ok ok i noe i am being long winded but xiao hui made me like this...
now lets see...
OO
hrm...i see nothin..........
..........i think i heard a crow...........
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ouch, stop it! ok i noe i am fooling around, but wat can i do....xiao hui asked me to write....
aha! i think of sumthing....
TRY NOT TO LAUGH...
1
Tell me.is it going in?
..yeah
..is it hurting?
..oh yeah ..ouch its hurtin
..ok i wil put it in slowly
..stil hurtin..ahh
..den lets try d other shoe madam
2
A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find, comfortable, supportive, prevents you from falling, holds you tight, and is always close 2 ur heart!
3
Two Irishmen after a long night at the pub were walking home. They decided to take a shortcut through the local grave yard.
As they were walking through they were reading the inscriptions on the grave stones. They spied one which read "Here lies an Lawyer and an honest man".
Pat turns to Mike and says "Look at that will ya, two men buried in the same grave!"
4
Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over", he said.
5
A very proper man started going into the neighborhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms.
Week after week, he would come in with the same order.
One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the man.
"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags."
6
A woman called a local hospital . . . .
"Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302.""I'll connect you with the nursing station . . . ."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help you?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I AM Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me a shit!
7
If you refuse to fly due to fear over the probability that there will be a bomb on your plane, rethink your tactics...Take a bomb with you. The probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low.
8
This woman is about to board a bus, but when she steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries again.Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to do that!"He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for you to lower my zipper three times."
9
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots of Vodka.
The bar tender says "had a tough day?"
The man replied "yeah I found out my little brother is gay".
The next day the same guy walks in to the bar again and this time orders 3 shots of Vodka.
The bartender says "another bad day?"
The man replied "yeah i just found out my older brother is gay".
The next day the same man walks in the bar and this time orders 5 shots of Vodka.
The bartender looked at him and said "Man doesn't anybody in your family like women.
The man then replied "yeah, My wife"
10
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!"The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
11
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"
12
"It's a gal thing"- Means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
13
wat a boy means when he says "You know how bad my memory is"- "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday".
haha
are your intestines crammed?
hope u all enjoy!!
-carmenXD-
